thursday afternoon walk

we headed back to the paths, towards ward's pond.

a beautiful sky to admire while we waited to cross the jamaica way.



we took our time, carver checking out everything under the fresh layer of snow.


it seems like on every walk, I see something I have never noticed before, like this lone birch among the oaks and maples.


carver and I played a good game of tug with a huge branch.


guess who won!


yum, sticks!


I cant seem to stop taking pictures of the pond. there is something about the spring light on the icy surface that keeps drawing me in.


I love to watch carver run more than anything. it is not just his mobility, but his exuberance, his curiosity and enthusiasm, you can see his happiness in the turn of his tail.



tonight I begin a meditation retreat which will run through sunday. It is local, so I will be home at night. I have not really done much of anything without carver since his diagnosis, other than go to work. e & I have gone out to dinner a few times, but other than that, we have pretty much always been with him. I feel super conflicted about going. I know that it will be good for me, but truly I do not want to leave. I want to stay right here, cozy on the couch with c by my side.

on a different note, today is my dad's birthday. Dad never got to meet carver, but I think they would have loved each other.

porcupine

carver had acupuncture today!



He wagged like crazy when j arrived. today was the first day where he seemed really alert during the whole treatment, but still very interested and relaxed and happy. She said carver is looking and feeling good! happy news! we will now switch to every other week more for maintenance, and to treat anything that comes up.

monday at wards pond

Mondays seem to be our wards pond days.
It is our favorite weekday walk-woodsy but close to home.

carver at the entrance to the woods


it was a spectacular day-warm, sunny with a blue blue sky and beautiful springy light.


off in the distance we saw a woman with a pack of dogs.


we have seen her before, but today was the first day we ever had a chat. her name is peggy and she has 6 dogs. Peggy is incredibly nice. we had a great talk, and carver and the dogs had a wonderful time checking each other out.





after p & I parted ways, carver and I continued on to wards pond.

we discovered a small grove of beech trees we had never noticed before.


we listened to a spring time robin sing its spring time song


did I mention the light?


and how it reflected off the ice on the pond?


carver had a rest in a thick bed of snow-his new favorite activity


another glorious walk!

sunday update

carver did end up sore today-on our first short walk he only wanted to lie in a snow bank, which of course had me fretting. he also had digestive problems, and I ended up opting out of plans to see Richard III with e and some friends. Carver did need to go out a couple of times, so I am glad I was home for him, but I still feel sad about missing it, and mostly for having to cancel last minute. I know I am worrying too much, so it has become hard to gage when it is appropriate to worry, and when I am just acting crazy. I end up feeling pretty chicken little. I am going on a 4 day meditation retreat at the end of the week, which I am hoping will help me work with all of this in a better way. The retreat is local, so I will come home at the end of the day-I am not ready to leave carver over night! I am not sure if I ever will be.

We just came back from a 30 minute walk around the neighborhood, where we ran into carver's friend mandy and her folks, which was really nice, we have not seen them in a while. I like to show carver off, I have to admit. I feel proud of him, and I like it when he gets to see friends and receive some pats. he was slow on the walk, although we only had one lying down in the snow episode, and that was when I was chatting. I feel a little better, especially now that we are home, carver lazing on the couch.

peter's hill after the storm

Saturday afternoon e, carver and I went for a 2 hour walk in the arboretum, at peter's hill.



the arboretum looked like a confection, everything covered in a glossy thick blanket of snow.
It was the first Saturday afternoon e had off in a long while. We were so happy to have her home with us!
Peter's hill was filled with sledders and dogs, including this brand new puppy that carver took a liking to. That puppy never stops moving!



I used to be obsessed with puppies. I still like them, but ever since carver turned 10 or so, my heart has a bigger softer spot for the seniors. I like those old dogs.

much to e's delight, and my dismay, carver insisted on spending the whole walk chest high in the snow. I know he was having a good time, but I could not stop fretting about his muscles and worrying that he would hurt himself. I hate being such a worry wort all the time. I am really trying to relax more, but these past 6 weeks or so has taken its toll on my adrenal system. thank goodness we have e to remind me to have fun and to let carver have fun. she keeps the big picture in mind, while being totally present. if it were not for her, poor carver would probably be strapped with shin pads and a helmet and walked only in a padded room.

carver did tucker himself out, and enjoyed taking breaks lying in the snow.



one of the best moments of the walk is that we got to see the witch hazel in bloom. This along with the beautiful light filled our hearts with the truth that spring is on its way!!



big thanks to e for taking these beautiful pictures of our walk, and for helping me document this precious time we have with carver. She truly is a gifted photographer. But you don't take my word for it-check out the link to her flickr page there on the right-there are many amazing pictures, even ones without carver!

another snowy day

at the jamaica pond. the sledders were just beginning to arrive.



is that a wolf?


NO! its CARVER!

carver had a great time running in the snow. he looked like a sled dog, mushing, the snow flying all around his feet. his harness added to the look.



we spent some time playing with sticks under the pine trees.



now carver is dried off, in a deep sleep on the couch. what a cheery walk!

thank you beautiful pond.

I just noticed while walking in the sunlight

that carver's coat has never looked better. so glossy, so soft-he looks like a breck girl. so beautiful, in fact, that we had strangers with two pugs shout out to us, "WHO IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL TRIPOD!" CARVER! I shouted back.

carver is resting next to me on the couch

while e is making dinner and I am typing. it has been a good at home day after work. carver and I went on a quiet walk today to wards pond. it was chilly and clear. as carver walked closer to the ponds edge we heard a rustling, and up flew a great blue heron, taking a long slow circle of the air above the water before gracefully landing on the ice. it stood in the middle of the pond for a few minutes before tucking its way back into the reedy shoreline. an amazing gift to see such a glorious bird in the middle of the city. we see a remarkable amount of wild life for living in the city-red tailed hawks are a common site, although always a welcome one. cotton tailed rabbits live under the thorny brush. and come spring there are always an amazing amount of birds. we even had a king fisher take up camp for a while, staring into the water from an over stretched branch, until the moment it would dive perfectly straight and fast like a rocket. today the heron. a perfect walk.

I was not expecting to take up jogging

when carver had his leg amputated, but he had me running today-carv was all energy and inspiration tonight when i got home, we had a fun walk around daisy field, him running practically the whole time, pausing to rest every so often. I am amazed at his stamina and his excitement at being outside. i hate tuesdays because I get home later than usual. anyway, after yesterday's strange walk at the pond, i am deeply relieved to see him happy and ready to go. a big one year old puppy jumped on carver yesterday and he (carver) cried out-I am wondering if maybe he was hurt , and that was reason for his lack of enthusiasm. it is a big guessing game these days, one that I find incredibly stressful-I am in constant fear of making the wrong decision and not getting him what he needs. I know that this is the perfect opportunity to learn how to be really present-meditation in action-and to take it moment by moment, but basically I am failing miserably at this. I seem to be able to let everything go on our walks, unless of course, carver seems different on the walk. even this blog seems like a distraction at times.

carver health update

carver's digestion issues have finally cleared up. everything has been normal since last thursday, which has been a big relief. He was healthy on the trip, although he seemed congested, and has been eating & drinking well. My new concern is that he is panting a lot-I am back to guess work. It could be the remainder of a bug he had, he could be panting because of pain-which brings me to the question of whether or not I should try & put him back on the deramaxx-we do not know if it was that that made him sick or not-or do we try another anti inflammatory? I gave him some tramadol in case he is in pain, but that can CAUSE panting. or is he panting because the cancer has already spread to his lungs? this is always at the back of my mind.
carver slept with me all night on a futon in my study. it was so cozy, like when he was a puppy. I woke up on only a corner of the bed, carvers legs stretched out wide and long, his back pushed up against me.

berkshire weekend

e surprised us with a 2 day trip to western mass this weekend. we packed up the car on Saturday morning and took the pike all the way to the end. We arrived in the afternoon, and headed straight to Great Barrington, a wonderful old new england town- deco neon package store signs, restored movie theatre with the the old palace marquee, every building a deep brick. GB is filled with a lovely mix of restaurants, cafes, cool shops. We ate salted caramels at a cheese shop, sour dough crusted pizza at an Italian restaurant, and the best latte of my life at the coffee shop. We walked carver around main street. the people were super friendly and interested in carver. he received lots of pats and well wishes. It made me realize (again) how shut down people can be in the city, how rushed, and inwardly focused. It felt great to be moving at a slower pace, along with everyone else.

we stayed at an Inn in Lenox that was dog friendly, and had a room on the first floor. when we arrived we found that the room was so small that carver would have trouble even turning around, he and his bed taking up a lot of space. Luckily the stairs to the 2nd floor were carpeted and spacious-carver had no trouble getting himself up, and the room upstairs was HUGE with plenty of room for us and a fleet of three legged dogs. The Inn itself was crazy-a huge rambling place, the halls and stairs lined with animal shaped iron door stops, paintings on every inch of wall. stuffed animals sat at the dining room table. Our room was 90 F and smelled of cat pee and rug cleaner. we slept with the windows wide open, despite the cold. the walls were thin and we could hear every word of our neighbors discussion about exfoliants. But the Innkeeper was very kind, an eccentric old duck. When asked how many cats she had, she replied "I think four". we didn't have the heart to complain. we did get up VERY early the next day, to avoid the continental breakfast and the inevitable questions about how we slept, etc, and escaped back to GB for something to eat.

After breakfast, we drove back to Lenox to take carver for a walk in the woods. This was my favorite part of the trip. Kennedy park is a wonderful town owned hardwood forest, with well marked trails. The park is on the former grounds the Hotel Aspinwall, that burned down in 1932. Some of the trails are old carriage roads from the hotel. It is a excellent place to walk, and we ran into some nice dogs and people.



We all had a grand time, carver sniffing, playing with sticks,



e taking pictures, and me being outside, in the woods. It was quiet, only the sounds of the wind in the tree tops and water moving under the ice of a small stream.

we headed back to the inn to pack up and rest a while before we headed back to town. I brought carver's bed into the living room, where he took a good sleep while e and I read.




one last trip to great barrington, our new favorite place. I had a life changing grilled cheese sandwich at the cafe the cheese shop runs, then delicious espresso cookie ice cream from soco creamery. It was cold and rainy, and time to head home.



thanks e for the adventure and for taking pictures!

jamaica pond

It was a beautiful day today. sunny, with light that looked like springtime.


carver and I decided to head over to the pond.


the pond is one of carver's favorite places on to go.


there are trees, fields, big open sky, lots of dogs, and of course, the pond itself.

carver loves to walk with his feet in the water


it was an excellent walk!


we are so lucky to live in jp, and to be so close to the pond.

could this really be a vomiting free day?

a not so cheery topic for valentines day, but for me, the cheeriest! after a long week of carver being sick, vomiting every day and diarrhea for one day, and with his elevated kidney levels, every day has been nerve racking. but carver had normal poops 2 days in a row now, and today (if he makes it through the next hour and 7 minutes) will be the first full day he has not vomited. what a huge relief! although, of course, this minute he is panting and making strange noises with tongue. he juts ate a bowl of kibble-another first! eating kibble on his own! eating kibble at all! now off all his pain meds, carver's appetite has come back, which is very nice to see. I have been feeding him sparingly the past couple of days, wanting to see his digestion settle down. today he had rice with wet food, then rice with wet food again in the afternoon. -now a whole bowl of kibble. all of which for the time being have managed to stay inside him. keep your fingers crossed.

carver is in great spirits. we went for good walks both this afternoon (little ponds) and this morning (neighborhood walk), and hour each. he is getting up and asking me to take him out, and very enthusiastic. I am still in worried mode, i have to admit-I look at him with worried eyes, with ears pricked for trouble. I am sure once we get past this stomach bug then i will begin to relax a little more. where is that line between aware, present, and too vigilant?

e gave me a valentine picture of a group of dogs driving in a car, and the dog sitting in the middle of the front seat is an uncanny identical match to carver-I have never scene a dog that looked more like him! I thought she had photo shopped him in! I also received a beautiful bouquet of tulips in different shades of pink. and then, a final surprise-a beautiful framed triptych of carver and I in provincetown. what a wonderful gift!

test update

there is nothing more worrisome than a sick dog. I realized that if anything is at all out of the ordinary my mind jumps to cancer. this morning I had myself convinved the cancer had already spread to his stomach. carver vomited again this morning, on our walk. the blood test results came back with slightly elevated kidney levels. I just got off the phone with dr. w. he explained that, although elevated, they are still within normal range, and that his liver levels, which he would be more concerned with on a nsaid, are perfect. he said to keep him off the deramaxx and see how arthritis wise he does. in the meantime, I will keep an eye on him and see if his stomach gets any better. if he is still vomiting tomorrow, we will bring him in for more tests. I hope he is o.k., and it is just a bug, or something he ate at the arboretum.

too slushy outside for a walk, carver went into the yards and peed a couple of times-he climbed up the stairs himself, happy to get out of this lousy weather .I have to go back into it for a doctor's appointment. it is pouring a cold rain after a snow storm-the streets are flooded with a cold slush. blach. carver ate a can of wellness beef (before dr. w told me I should feed him in small amounts!) no meds at all today. he is cozy on the couch-I wish I could join him.

check out carver's tripod walk

check out carver HOWLING!

little pond adventure

happy snowy walk


a drink at ward's pond


hiding behind a tiny tree


acting shy


cheery day at the little ponds!

sickness, worry, bad vets and great walks

after acupuncture last night, we took carver to a near by animal hospital just to get blood tests to check his liver and kidneys, to see if the Nsaid was bothering him (and to see if it was the cause of his vomiting the morning before. I had called in the morning, and was told it would be no problem to have an appointment with a tech to have the blood drawn and then have the results faxed over to my vet. when we arrived we met a sweet dog who had chewed her sutures out after surgery, poor thing! the tech brought carver in back to draw the blood, and would not let me go with him. he was gone for way too long. the tech came out, said the blood had been drawn, but then began to give me the third degree about who approved this, we had not been in in a year, blah blah-they wanted to hold the blood until they reached our doctor (who e promptly called on her cell phone while the tech was standing there) all the while carver was still (totally unnecessarily) in the back with some stranger. You would have thought we were asking for narcotics! we just wanted to run some tests! finally they brought carver out-e took him to the car while I settled up. then they tried to charge me $350 for the tests! I told them I would not pay that much-dr. walker had said it would be around $80! they grouped the tests together (hello!) and it ended up $185. I was so angry but really happy to have the tests done, and to get out of there. once again, we have learned the hard way how sucky all vets are in boston. I am sure that that is not true, but we have had such bad luck..big expense and little compassion or understanding. We are so lucky and grateful to have found dr. w and the vca in weymouth. we love those folks!

we had not eaten supper yet, and decided to pick up some mexican food. I got carver a quesadilla. we went home and ate supper-carver wolfed his down (as did I!) well, around 2 a.m. I heard e get up-she heard carver throwing up. I got dressed and took him out into the yard while e cleaned up the living room. outside, he peed and pooped. I spent the rest of the night on the couch to keep my sleepy eye & ear on him. we got up at 430 am (because of me & work, not him!!) and went for a short walk-again, a poop & pee-he seemed tired, and not as excited about walking, which filled me with a panic. e called me at work to tell me he was resting on the couch. this made me feel much better!

when I arrived home, carver was very excited to see me, and very excited to g go out-I found out soon enough-he had diarrhea! I felt so bad that he was home alone and needing to go out-what a good boy to wait! we headed towards the little ponds, and he then threw up again, this time regular dog vomit (sorry!) but he was in great spirits. he howled at a fire engine, ran in the woods, walked in wards pond, ate some sticks, all around had a great time. I felt comforted in seeing how happy he was, how happy to be out in the world. and I realized that, for the moment, we have done everything we can-he is off the worrisome med, he has had the blood work taken, I have changed his diet, called the vet to see if the tests are in (not yet) and am home with him. he is cozy beside me on the couch as I write. so I will pray for it to be the mexican food that has upset his stomach, or a little bug, and not anything serious, and i will take good care of him until we here any news.

carver ate cous cous made with organic chicken broth, which so far he is holding down. gosh, he wanted to EAT! pain meds this morning, with cottage cheese. keeping everything simple today . poor baby!

monday update!

a neighborhood walk today, covering old territory. It is incredibly chilly today, and windy, but carver and I managed to stay out for 45 minute, although I am sure he would have stayed out longer, but my fingers were numb, and I needed time to tidy up before the arrival of the acupuncturist.

carver vomited foamy yellow liquid this morning on our walk, just a little bit, but of course it is worrisome. i spoke to a vet tech, who said she did not think it was the deramaxx since he has been on it for so long, but to be sure to keep him off of it. we made an appointment to have his blood work done tonight at 7pm.

the worrying is tough. I tend to worry about the little things, then get totally shut down about the big things. I have been trying not to live in worry, but basically it, it being carver's cancer, is always on the back of my mind, ready to leap out with worry and sadness and fear. Thank god I have level headed E, who is amazing at celebrating all that is good, and right on the horn when it is time to take some action.

Just spoke to dr. w, who said a single episode of vomiting is not something to worry about, but that it would not hurt to take him off the deramaxx until the blood work comes back. he also said that the yellow was just probably bile. This sounds so benign coming from his voice, but to me, its OMG! BILE!

carver ate 1 can wellness beef this am, with pain meds & cheese. another can of wellness turkey this afternoon. still no interest in the kibble, despite that I doused it with beef broth.

acupuncture treatment at 5 pm. Janice placed needles all along carvers spine and hips, and one in his shoulder. it amazes me how he just rests, and lets her work. she is an amazing person, very gentle and kind. she has a 14 year old dog herself!

carver on peter's hill


carver and some new friends

peter's hill

carver made it around the whole big loop of peter's hill. we went after brunch w/ e & friend t. I was worried it would be too long but walk, but e thought he could handle it. as always there were a ton of dogs, super friendly dog people, and two hawks riding thermals above us. the sunny morning turned cold, windy and an icy rain, but we had a wonderful time. everyone seemed very impressed with carver's amazing recovery, I can't believe it has only been three weeks. It felt great to hear so much positive feedback, and carver loved all the pats and good cheer coming his way.

happy to be home, carver got toweled off (a favorite activity) ate a can of wellness beef, a big biscuit, and is now passed out on the couch. pictures to follow once e takes a look at them. oh, and he had his pain meds before we left-around 830. the twice a day schedule seems to be going fine.

cottage cheese snack at 4ish, w/joint health, deramaxx, biscuit after peeing outside, some water.

going to give him pain meds now, at 8 pm

saturday afternoon

nice snowy walk to wards pond. where did that sun go?
carver did wonderfully-lots of running, happy to be in the woods, lots to smell.
it is always quiet down there, which I love as well.
cottage cheese, cookie, deramaxx, pooped on the walk, all is well!

for sale :(

o.k., I went a little crazy during the whole cancer diagnosis and made some purchases that i regret. first off is the solvit track'r dog trailer and bicycle trailer. carver has always been afraid of anything on wheels and want nothing to do with the cart (see jamaica pond entry) I also bought the jogger conversion kit, so it can be used as a strolller

not a picture of carver! that dog looks so happy in the cart!


I also bought 2 pet goods orthopedic coil spring beds, size large. these are like human mattresses with fleece covers. carver prefers an old piece of memory foam on the floor with a blanket.



I have posted these on craigs list.

if anyone is interested, please email me (see profile) or if you know anyone interested, send them my way!
I would be happy to knock the price down for either item for anyone whose dog is suffering from bone cancer.

I live in the jamaica plain section of boston, near angell memorial.