thursday update

we had a very lively walk today-carver seemed sleepy when I first got home, but he perked up, and wagged at the invitation of going out. we made it up the street farther than we have before, then back down. down is harder. I can't wait to get the o.k. for the harness, and his cart arrives tomorrow. E will be laughing and shaking her head about the cart. I know it is a total crap shoot, getting him into the cart, but I think it is worth a shot. i am dying to wheel him up to the pond! be brave carver, it is the ride of your dreams!! carver just had a cookie which he came into the kitchen looking for, and had his pain meds.and he pooped and marked his territory on the walk. he will get a snack of wellness this afternoon with his first batch of fish oil & deramaxx. I will meet with my meditation instructor tonight, which I am really looking forward to, to that and to sitting. I have not been to the center in months. I feel like it is my first dip back into my regular life.

thursday morning update

lets start with last night-carver went back on tramadol, 2 tb at 9 p.m. he went outside, pooped, and we met our neighbor emily, who told me she just lost her 7 1/2 year old to bone cancer last year. she was incredibly sweet. I felt a little like a robot talking with her. a part of me has shut down. In caring for carver post surgery, and worrying about immediate things like did he eat, is he getting enough fluid, is there fluid build up at the surgical site, how is his energy level, is he in pain, that i do not feel connected with the emotion of the truth of us his cancer, the truth that it is terminal, that their is more ahead to face . so, when i talk to people about how he is doing, I dont express any emotion, which i think must seem really strange. it feels strange to me. I feel foreign to myself. I can only hope that this is a good way to manage this time-I do not think I am in denial in the sense it is not like I am thinking he is not going to die-I am just not living in that truth moment by moment. what does bother me is that I am afraid I am so obsessed with all the details that i am loosing the dog, losing the focus of carver as pal , not only patient. doctors must live like this. I have an appointment with my meditation instructor this evening, which i am really looking forward to. I know he will be able to help me work with all of this, and help me understand the view in terms of buddhist practice. I am hoping he can guide me to a practice that will help me feel more intergrated. I am also going to commit to having a dog cancer research free weekend. I need to feel more connected to my whole self and the whole world, other than this terrible one.

so, back to carver details-he seems more relaxed this morning on the pills, but at the same time he seemed to like walking around outside more than he did yesterday, so I think putting him back on them was a good idea-it will help getting the staples removed be less traumatic.I am looking forward to seeing dr.w tomorrow. I will sit down and make a list of questions for him this afternoon.

carver had his tramadol at 6 a.m., along with some jack cheese, and his joint heath supplement. I also just heard him get up & eat his breakfast of wellness chicken, cotttage cheese and immune blend. hopefully that was not a belly aching combination!

had a good short chat with dr.w, who said that it would not harm carver at all to be back on the meds, and called in a script to cvs. who knew that cvs had dog meds? he said people take it too. dr. w is so kind, it always makes me feel better talking to him. I am glad to be able to see him on friday. I hope those staples come out!!

wednesday

another day full of uncertainty! Carver didn't wag when I came home, so my heart filled with despair. I tried to get all P.E teacher on him and say O.K. Carver, lets go for a walk in a loud enthusiastic voice. he did get up, although he seems stiffer today, and a bit slower. we had a smooth time going down the stairs, then walked across the street. carver's obsession with eating snow continues, but all that is left is dirty crusty ice chips, like a snow cone dropped on the ground, and I am conflicted about stopping him-i want him to get fluids, but this? I made the mistake of heading up the jamaica way towards the pond, dog mecca, and when I tried to turn around he just stood there. we ran into our dog walker friend c who had two dogs that carver has walked with. carver was very excited to see the dogs-all tails wagging and sniffing for everyone. it was sad to watch carver watching the dogs as they headed off to their walk. I finally got him home, it felt like and endless road, although it was only the length of 2 triple deckers, and we went inside. carver ate a full can of wellness beef on his own from his bowl, and was that the sound of the lapping of plain old water that I heard? then he actually came into the kitchen looking for a treat! I gave him his derramax and a cookie, which he brought back to the living room, a very good sign of normalcy. I called the vet again, and was told dr. w would listen my voice mail and would get back to me.

despite carver's excellent hopping this afternoon

I am feeling down, and a little overwhelmed. mostly worried about carver's other three legs, and his arthritis, and how good his quality of life will be. carver only has one tramadol left, and I do not know when the best time to give it to him would be-before bed for a good night sleep? in the morning, so he is not in pain while I am at work? now? he is a little moan and groan, getting settled down after our walk. is it because of the lack of tramadol, or because of his arthritis , because of the walk? am I letting him do too much/ or too little? we will see dr w on friday, and I want to have a good list of questions for him. I also made an appointment with an acupuncturist for monday, who does home visits. she was funny, she sounds so serious, but she told me to talk her up to him before she arrives-tell him how fun it was going to be (to have tiny needles inserted in him) I wish more than anything that he could talk to tell me what he needs right now, but then, if he could, maybe he would have a litany of complaints to dish out to me for my work schedule, the short morning walks, the walks with the cell phone, the kibble, why not pizza everyday, and why can't we just LIVE at the arboretum?. the thing is, it is hard to hold the happiness of his recovery with the truth of his cancer, and the fact that he will die, and that we do not know when. this is the truth for all of us, isn't it? this truth is so real to me now. I feel completely groundless.

A FANTASTIC WALK!

Carver and I just came home from another amazing walk! I decided to put him on a leash , and he really got the message-leash=FUN! we walked down the street to the jamaica way, which is the beginning on our old walks. we walked around a neighbors parking lot, ate some fresh snow, and had a wonderful time. carver was great at responding to me on the leash, would go in the direction I wanted to, and did not act too old goatish when it was time to come in. he peed in a marking territory fashion, pooped a good poop, and climbed a snow bank! Lots of smiling and tail wagging. his walking gate was fast, thank god for the leash! It is a beautiful sunny winter afternoon, and we are both in great spirits from our adventure. today marks some changes for both of us-I am back to working full time, and carver is beginning to be weaned from his pain meds. this afternoon it he will only get 1 pill, down from 2, and we will progress this way until tomorrow, when we will be out of meds. I hope and pray that he is healed enough and will not be in pain. part of me is excited, maybe he will be less groggy! the other is so nervous-I do not want him to suffer at all. I will call dr. w if there is any indication of pain, and hopefully get him back on asap if there is any complications.

carver ate from him bowl both this morning (1 can wellness chicken) and this afternoon (1/2 can wellness beef with cottage cheese and beef broth. he took his derramax around 3:30. he even popped his head into the kitchen to see what I was up to! and he came to the door to see about his post walk cookie!

I spoke with an acupuncturist this morning about working on carver, here at the house. she is going to call me this afternoon to set up an appointment.

I could not be happier right now, or more proud! carver, you rule!

howling with sirens and e!

photo by e

carver exhibiting a classic tripod form

photo by e

snow beauty

pic by e

snowy day

photos by e & me

lazy afternoon

e and I took carver out into the snow. he ate some, stood around a lot, lay down in the snow, and wondered why we were both staring at him with black boxes in front of our faces. we got a lot of good pics. then it was back inside, cocoa for me, beef broth, cottage cheese & his new berte's immune blend for him, then the deramxx. the two of us have been cozy on the couch ever since.
pain meds at 515pm.

we have received a fine gift this morning

fresh snow! big flakes, the kind that you can see the shape of the crystals on your coat, or your dog's back. carver had some fresh snow to eat this morning. it is still snowing, and I am excited to take him out later. I want e to take pictures of him out in the yard. e took all the amazing beautiful pictures of him on the album section of the yahoo group-all the blurry pics on the blog are mine. here is the link to the photo album. e actually gave me my camera, with the fact that carver was getting older in mind. I love having it, and it has been so helpful (and fun)!
so, carver went outside this morning. ever since our big adventure up the street, he seems stiffer than usual, and I am worried I pushed him too much. My next step in the land of research is to try & find out what I can do to help his other limbs stay flexible and strong. I want him to have as much mobility as possible. there is an acupucturist who works on animals and does home visits in the area, I will call her today and try to set up an appointment. I also got a couple of books about canine massage. I guess those classes at massage school might finally come in handy.
carver ate a can of wellness beef, along with some beef broth/water, and some rice. He took him pain meds around 9, and now is snoring on the couch.

smiling carver this afternoon

afternoon update

I took carver outside for a bit-he seems stiff in the hind legs a bit after yesterdays adventure. I am going to have to see it as training, like an athlete. He got ahead of me on the stairs, and I was holding his collar, and he yelped out loud-I must have hurt him, and I felt awful. nothing gets the adrenaline surging like hearing him cry. peed a more normal pee, marking his territory. Back inside he had a snack of rice , beef broth and cottage cheese, which he wolfed down. Sorting his meds, I found that he only has enough tremodol for now till monday. I called dr w-away until monday-to see if I could get a refill. they said his chart says for him to only be on the meds for 10 days, but I can call back after he is off them if he is in any pain. this coincides with me starting work full time again. I feel nervous about the whole thing-excited for him to be off one of his meds, but really not wanting him to experience any pain, especially when when I am not home. I have a few pills left from the old vet, and will lower his dose, to slowly wean him off.

samsara dog

Samsara Dog is a wonderful childrens book that is written by Helen Manos, and illustrated by Julie Vivas. It is the story of a dog's many lives, until he released into nirvana, freedom from suffering. Samsara is a sanskrit word that describes the Buddhist concept of the cyclical flow of birth, death and rebirth. It also refers to the suffering we experience as we move through these lives, working towards enlightenment. Samsara Dog follows the many lives of Dog, as he works with his karma. It is a beautiful, simple, moving story that any dog lover would appreciate. here is a link to the New York Times review last Sunday.

sat am morning update

for starters, carv and I went out into the yard. he peed, pooped and ate some snow. I got to say go hello to my neighbor, and apologize for being bitchy to her friend who walked her dog in our yard yesterday and didn't pick up his poop! while I am not happy about his actions, I could have handled the whole thing a lot better. besides, we are in their yard ALL the time (there is no fence). I like my neighbor, she is super nice and has an awesome boxer named jake who carver got to say hello to, and I was worried there would be some sore feelings, but all is well. city living!

ANYWAY, back to carver update-carver took his pain meds at 9, then headed for the couch. i offered him some beef broth, as I have been obsessing over his fluid intake. he drank that up readily. then I looked at the sodium content-good lord! e is going to get us some salt free broth today at bread and circus. I put out 1/2 a can of beef wellness on top of his kibble. I have been hand feeding him while he lies down, and I decided today was the day this had to come to an end. I put the food in his bowl, which is in the living room, carver central. I showed him the food, he sniffed it with interest, then I put the bowl back in its stand. carver laid back down on the couch.

I promised e i would not spend the day on the computer doing cancer research, so I have gone into my other default mode-cleaning! there is a mountain of laundry to be done, especially all the blankets that carver has been sleeping on. this included the blanket on the couch. i nudged him off , and lo and behold, he got up and ate his breakfast!
here is a picture-


success!

carver's amp site is looking great,




and he is now resting, back on the couch.



so now the challenge is for me-what do i do all day, alone, not looking up things about bone cancer? I know I need to open up my life again.

evening

carver went out for a short pee, which turned into a long pee-he is a stubborn old goat when he does not want to come inside, even though he was too tired for walking-he just wanted to stand outside and watch the neighbors park their cars.
he did pee , then -1/2 a can of wellness beef and a sip of water. then he licked an ice cube out of my hand. he prefers to eat snow to drinking water. he pees a good amount, but i worry about him getting enough liquids. maybe I will try the buttermilk that someone recommended.

its all in the details

pain meds at 420, carver asleep on the couch. cozy!

WOW!

I decided to try to take carver on a different little walk after e suggested that carver being stuck walking around our little side yard might be one of the reasons he has been feeling down. carver RAN up the street! I had to jog to keep up with him! he was so excited-he marked his territory, found some bread scraps left out for birds, ate some fresh snow, said hello to some cable workers, and had a blast! we ran into our old neighbor a, who gave carver a big greeting. I got to see carver smile for the first time in weeks-all tail wags and so happy to be out in the world. I am filled with excitement, gratitude, hope and pride. I am already plotting out little walks to take him on. He just ate a snack of cottage cheese jack cheese and a new soft peanut butter cookie (a new dog product from trader joes with no weird ingredients) he is now resting, and seems like his old self. I cannot imagine a cheerier day! go carver! you are an inspiration! I will take my camera on the next outing to share the adventure.

on a personal note, neighbor a is also a buddhist, and we got to talk about what a great lesson of impermanence and of suffering this has been. great in the suckiest sense. lessons in impermanence are rarely not painful. it was so helpful for me to talk about this whole experience in a buddhist context, and to get to share how I feel like my sitting practice (although I have not been sitting in a long while) has really had an effect on how I have been handling this whole thing. thank you to a! It has inspired me to get back to sitting. meditation works! I want to be as present as possible for every remaining moment of carvers life, and of mine.

details-carver ate 1 can of wellness turkey this am, and took his pain meds at 8. he peeded and pooped both this morning at 430 am and this afternoon on our excellent adventure. derramaxx this afternoon at 2 pm. and his surgical site is looking great!

depression

its is around 3pm, my first day back at work. I am working half days today and tomorrow. Last night carver seemed to fall into a depression. He seemed really down, not interested in anything. I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning to take carver out and get him settled in before I left. e was here, so he was never alone, which is a blessing. thank god for our flexible jobs, which have made this time so much easier.
anyway, back to depression. when i got home from work, carver just lied there. he didn't even wag, which broke my heart. This morning e had given him his pain meds, and he chomped down on a pill-blach! after that he refused all food, not wanting to be tricked again. I was exhausted after sleeping so little. carver jumped onto the couch after a little prodding and a bit of rescue remedy, after reading a bit we both took a 2 nap. when I woke I decided it was time to go outside. I got dressed, bundled up and asked him if he wanted to. no movement. finally to moved his back legs a bit, and he jumped down. he peed big,pooped right away, then went walked around the 2 houses, him eating snow, his current obsession. I wish it would snow today! we ran into our dog walked friend c with a greyhound. carver seemed glad to see another dog, but he really wanted to go with them, he kept turning his head to watch them go, and we both felt sad.
home again, i gave him a can of wellness 95% beef, which he wolfed down, then drank some water. ate his cookie, then back on the couch. took him anti inflammatory. now it is time for pain meds.
I feel so sad to see him this way-not the amputation, but his feeling down and not excited about his usual things. I worry about him, of course. in some ways this is the hardest part. I am longing to take him to the arboretum, to the pond. I am dying for his stitches to be removed. I am dying for him to be off the pain meds. this time is so precious, we do not know how much time we have, and I want each moment to be a joyous one for him.

midnight pain meds

carver went out at 6pm, and had a huge pee. when he woke up at 1130, he had another huge pee, pooped, and ate a ton of snow. I did feed him more food today-I just realized a couple of things-I started him on his new kibble-wellness core, plus I fed him more today-i looked at the recommended amounts of wet food I am suppose to be giving him, and realized that I have not been feeding him enough. the double pees, and the exuberance, instead of making me feel good sent me into a to panic. about his kidneys and the anti inflammatory meds. e talked me down. she thinks I am feeling anxiety about going into work tomorrow, which is true. I need to get up in 4 hours, and I am nervous about changing the whole flow of things around here. I am afraid of not being here for him if he needs me.

pain meds at 4pm, and he ate some left over snack

he also had a visit from his walker-friend, and chupie, her chihuahua

carver's afternoon

carver did great with me being out for a couple of hours-he jumped up and wagged, happy to see me home, but did not seem stressed at all, unlike his mother! we went outside-a beautiful winter day, walked around 2 houses (so far my neighbors don't seem to mind that I am creeping in their backyard all the time with my 3 legged dog) he had good pees and poops, ate a ton of snow, and sniffed all around. a snack of cottage cheese, wellness lamb and jack cheese when he returned inside, then his antiinflamatory. resting on his bed now. good pup!!

wed a.m. update

first of all, success in that we all slept 8 hours last night! I moved carvers meds to midnight, and went to bed right away. when I woke up carver was alert but not desperate to go out. we did go out, big pee and a walk c around the neighbors house. breakfast was 1/2 can wellness lamb, his pain meds w/jack cheese, he ate a few pieces of his new kibble-wellness core, it is low in carbs and has excellent supplements. He did not eat out of his bowl on his on this morning, I had to bring the bowl to him. His amp site looks great, the redness is healing, hardly any bruising.

he seems a tiny bit down-is this the depression some people talk of after? after so many days of huge leaps and bounds forward, I hate to see him just wanting to rest.

I am leaving carver alone for the first time since his surgery, for the first time since his diagnosis, really, so it has been a couple of weeks. I have therapy for 45 minutes, and I want to goto the health food store to look at supplements. I am nervous to leave him! but I think it is an important step towards some more normalcy for the both of us. and I am going to have to go back to work next week full time, so it is good to take the next couple of days to start making a transition.

tuesday the 22, final notes

a little walk outside to pee at 1130, and a chat with a neighbor.
pain meds at midnight, so I can try to alter his schedule a bit, so I am not waking up in the middle of the night to give him meds. I must sleep! I am praying to the bladder and bowel gods to let me have 8 hours of sleep in a row!

6 p.m. a great time for both of us!

I took a much needed shower. I feel like I am slowly entering back into the land of the living, that includes bone cancer, but is not the only thing. then carver and I went for a hop into the side yard-I have a new appreciation for this little yard, so much that i have designs to fancy it up so we can all enjoy it this spring and summer-carver had a good long pee and a poop, then enjoyed walking around the house. we came in, carver had a dinner of 1/2 can wellness sprinkled w/jack cheese, and I gave him his first joint health vitamins in a while-i dont remember when i stopped them-I guess when he was being diagnosed and started taking medication-he ate from his bowl standing up, went back into the kitchen to eat the traces of biscuit left on the ground, then walked all the way over to his old water bowl to drink. he looks happy, if a bit excited.

did I post that he had his pain meds at 5?

a cheerful picture so you are not only seeing amp pics

tue 1/22

anti inflammatory, 130 p.m. with a mix of cottage cheese and Monterrey jack.
out for 2 short walks this afternoon, one at 11, one at 230, was there another one? it feels like it. he just likes to go outside and stand, sniff the air! i wish it were not so chilly outside!

tues jan 23, pain meds & amp pics

pain meds w/cheese at 9 a.m.
surigical site is looking good, some of the redness has already faded.
time for breakfast!
1/2 can wellness venison

another milestone

carver is on the couch!

1 a.m. tue jan 22 & 4 a.m.

1 a.m. pain meds w/ cheese
4 a.m. carver woke me up to go out. the poor thing -he tried earlier, and I thought he just wanted to be coaxed into my bedroom-it was the first night I tried to sleep in my own bed. an hour later he he got up and walked to the front door. it is good to see his old ways of communicating are coming back-less guessing. he pooped, which normally would make me very happy, but to be honest, right now I am only exhausted. I am ready for 8 hours straight of sleep. I will try to nap tomorrow.

technology

Dr. W called me back this evening, to answer my questions in regards to the growing redness on carver's belly. I was worried about infection, although he was not showing any other signs. I suggested I email him a photo, which I did, he called me back a half hour later, and sure enough, he thinks it just post surgical bruising. what a relief! this whole experience has given me a new appreciation for technology. It is amazing that I can take pictures of carvers amp site every day and compare them. If it were not for the Internet and the research e and i did after receiving the horrible diagnosis from the first vet, would we have even sought out a second opinion? and what would I have done (and continue to do) without the support and sound advice and helpful suggestions of the amazing folks on bonecancerdogs.org's yahoo group? I have emailed them at 3 in the a.m. when carver was crying after his surgery and received so much comfort from people all over the world who have been on this path. It looks like my days of complaining about how technology is ruining society have come to an end.

WOW! a crazy great trip outside!

carver had 2 visitors this afternoon. andrea brought cheese and tulips, tracy bag of delicious treats. carver wagged like crazy at both of there arrivals. when andrea was leaving and tracy was arriving, and everyone had their coats on, carver got up to see where the excitement would take him. tracy and I took him into the side yard-he did GREAT walking, pooped a good poop, then proceeded to walk behind our house AND a neighbors house before turning around to go home. I was CRAZY PROUD of him. he was walking quickly and really happy to be outside. he is rsting comfortably now, time for his pain meds. I feel elated and grateful to see such progress in such a short amount of time.

pain meds 530 mon 1/21

1 pm mon 1/21

I tried my first compress to carvers site-he seemed to like it at first, but then he jumped up (onto the couch!) then wanted to lick the site (I have it covered with a fresh t shirt.) no drainage today so far. worried about infection-i have a call out to dr.w., and am waiting to hear back. carver wanted to go out afterwards, and he did pee, but no poop since yesterday early a.m.

half can wellness lamb w/1 tb olive oil
derramaxx

amp pics, monday 1/21, day 4 post surgery

carvers amp site is looking good in some ways, I feel like the redness has lessened at the bottom. But I have concerns that the redness has spread horizontally across his belly.he did lie in the snow the morning, and he has been lying on the site. I am not sure if this is bruising or signs of an infection. the would smells good, and the area is not hot. time to call the vet!

930 a.mon 1/21

pain meds in cottage cheese-he figured out was I was up to-it is going to have to be cheddar cheese from now on.

carver walked to the bedroom to lie on his bed in there w/e while she was waking up! he is definetley getting more mobile!

I changed his bedding this morning too.

carver was raring to go this morning!

after receiving his pain meds at 130 a.m., he slept through the night, which was blissful for the both of us, I think. we woke around 8 a.m., and headed outside. carver didn't hesitate at the stairs for the first time. we went into the yard, and he marked his territory , which i think is a good sign, although I wish he go ahead and just pee it all out! after eating some snow, he decided to lie down in it, so we went inside. no poop since yesterday early a.m.-debating if I should give him something to help him poop. carver just ate 1/2 can wellness lamb. his amp site, the part that I can see which is most but not all, is looking great. a happy morning so far!

545 p.m. sun 1/20

e kept an eye on carver so I could go for a walk. it felt strange to be out in the world after so many days just sitting on the couch, tending to the dog. I ended up walking the aisles of cvs, wondering if I needed anything. then off to city feed to buy provisions for the coming days when e will be at work-cereal, cream for coffee, cocoa pudding ice cream, peanut butter.

when I got home, I gave carver 1/2 a can of wellness duck for dinner. then he got up on his own, walked around a bit. I took him outside. he is his stubborn self once we get out-only wanting to go where he feels like, not budging when I try to lead the way. he finally peed, and we headed in.

I'm using just the towel instead of the sling, which seems to somehow be easier. definitely softer.

carver got his pain meds at 545 in cottage cheese which worked really well.

oh, and I changed his t shirt to an old one from the five seasons. he is sitting in the living room now. I am so impressed with how easily he gets up on his own now!

2:00 pm sunday 1/20

derramaxx 2: pm with pizza crust (I know, I know, its bad. We have been in spoiling mode a bit over here)

carver has been resting comfortably all morning. he has slept from breakfast till 200, for the most part. there has been very little crying to day.

245-went outside. tried lining the sling with a soft towel, which seemed to help. he peed, and wanted to stand around, just being outside.

drainage

when we took the pictures of carver's surgical site, the bottom of it, we saw fresh drainage. it is watery, tinged slightly red, just a drip really. one of the stitches seems puckered to me a bit, but nothing drastic. I will call the vet tomorrow to see what he thinks.

here is the bottom of the surgical site

amp site pictures, day 3 after surgery 1/20

930 a.m., sun 1/20

carver and I both slept till 930 this morning. he got him self up and moved around a bit on his own-he is getting much more confident. I gave him pain meds at 930 (a little early, I am trying to scale his meds so the night time ones are at midnight instead of 2 a.m.) and he ate 1/2 can of wellness duck. he is resting, crying just a tiny bit here and there.

330-5? until 6 a.m. sunday jan 20

carver woke me up whimpering and breathing shallowly-not too loudly, just quietly as he has been doing, but he would not settle down. I ended up taking him outside. he peed a little then came in. he still would not settle down. I was in the bathroom, at the other end of my apartment, when I heard a sound-and it was carver, who had gotten up by himself and walked all the way to the bedroom, where he usually sleeps! I ran out to grab him a dog bed. I was so excited because he has not moved that much on his own, and also because I have not slept in my own bed in a long time! It felt wonderful not to sleep alone on the couch for a few moments.carver slept for maybe an hour or so, but he began to cry again, and more steadily. he has been gassy, and I decided to take him out again, even though I am nervous about too much pressure on his surgical site. he did poop, which made it seem worth it. we are now back in the living room, carver still crying a little, but it seems different, and usually he cries a little when we get back in from a walk, I think because of the sling on the surgical site. I need to rig up a better sling tomorrow.

2 a.m. sunday jan 20

pain meds w/cheese

Big Success!

carver pooped for the first time! and he drank water from a bowl while standing up! not while i was holding it to him!!

details-carver out side around 8 p.m., peeded, pooped, did a great job!
he is now crying a little, I think the sling puts too much pressure on the surgical site. every time we go out he needs some time to recover.

6 pm sat 1/19

pain meds with cheese
spoke with the vet oncall about meds-she said not to take any extra, but they prescribed a nerve pain med, which they faxed into cvs. he settled down after about a half an hour of whimpering, and has been sleeping ever since.

4:10 sat 1/19

just settled down, after about 45 min of soft crying, some louder cries, he is lightly sleeping now. call in to vet to see if carvers meds can be upped to every 6 hours instead of every 8

carver the wonder dog!

carver just did an amazing job of going outside, we was excited to go, made it down the stairs with out too much of a struggle, then walked the length of the yard-he would have kept going if I let him!
oh, and he peed twice!

1:30 sat 1/19/08

deramaxx given after 1/2 can wellness lamb
soft almost silent whimper.
I help him change positions.

the story of carver's cancer

now that carver is resting comfortably, I can write down the whole experience of his diagnosis. Carver has been limping for a year now. He is 12 1/2, so I assumed this was par for the course. He was first diagnosed with severe arthritis in the right front leg. We had been looking for a vet closer to our home, since carver was growing older and needed more frequent care. when he began limping on his left leg, we tried a new vet down the street from our house. She said he did not show an signs of arthritis, and thought it might be lyme disease. we treated him with a month long course of antibiotics for the lyme, but he did not show any progress. This prompted us to take him to Dr. W, a vet we trust and love, but whose practice is far from our home. He prescribed 2 weeks bed rest with an anti inflamatory, and if we didn't see improvement we could do more testing. He did improve for a time, and we felt like he was doing well.

Around Christmas time this year, carver's limp returned, this time much more pronounced, I assumed he had injured his leg and that bed rest would do the trick. Being a pastry chef, I was in the midst of my busiest season at work, and put off going to the vet until after the holiday. we made an appointment with a vet who we had never seen before, but who was closer to our house (what was I thinking?)
It was this new vet who diagnosed carver with osteosarcoma. she told us he had a week or two to live, and that the right thing to do would be to put him down. Needless to say we were devastated. After going home and doing some research we called Dr. W, to ask for a second opinion. E asked him if he thought carver might be eligible for an amputation. He was open and encouraging and told us to make an appointment with him the following week.
I was really scared to hear what Dr. W had to say, (e felt more confident, having been the one to speak to him on the phone), but thankfully carver's lung x-rays were clean and his blood work was excellent, and the dr. thought the surgery was worth doing.
Carver's surgery was on thursday, and he is already back home with us, as of friday night.
this blog is my way of keeping track of his progress as he heals from surgery. I have found this whole process to be totally overwhelming, and it feels great to have a space to collect all the pieces of the puzzle. and it gives me something to fuss with while carver is sleeping here by my feet!

carver resting on his new squirrel

some pictures of the amp site, day 2 after surgery

sat 1/19 10 15 a.m.

pain meds in cheese

sat 1/19 930 a.m.

WE GOT HIM OUTSIDE TO PEE! it was scary getting him down the stairs, but he did really well. he still wanted to sniff around a bit, then he peed-all over my foot. thank goodness for crocs. e and I are totally psyched that we managed to get him outside. a first victory!

carver is also sleeping more soundly, after a very rough night. he is due to take his pain meds in a couple of minutes and he isnt even crying right now which is a huge relief. e just went off to teach, so I am on my own for the first time. I am so glad we got him outside before she left-I feel like I can relax a little for the first time since yesterday.

630 a.m. sat

wow, carver slept till 6! I made an attempt to try & get him to pee on the back porch, but he wouldn't. I am going to have to face the stairs. for now, he ate his usual 1/2 can of wet food drank some water and ate 1/2 a cookie. he is awake, crying but much quieter than he was yesterday, so this is a blessing.

2 a.m.

carver and I both slept soundly for a couple of hours but he woke up at 145, and began crying again. I gave him his paid meds early-2 a.m. with some cheese. he refused water, but took the pills, and is now settling down a tiny bit. the cries are hollow sounded, like nothing I heard from him before. they cut right through me. It is especially hard to feel like I do not understand what he needs-for 12 years I have known when he wanted to go out, when he wanted a snack-now I feel totally helpless.

first day home

The first thing carver did was drink a whole bowl full of water. he ate half a cookie, cheese wih his meds and bits of my grilled cheese sandwhich. I am excited he still wants to eat, but am worried I gave him too many treats. tomorrow we will begin a normal day of eating]

pain meds 8 pm with cheese