a scary day

when it was time for our morning walk this morning, carver refused to go out. he balked at the front door and tried to jump in the couch. I coaxed him out the door, and down the stairs, but he just stood there. I managed to get him across the street, where he peed a tiny pee, then he ran to our front steps. I helped him in, and he headed straight for his bed on the living room floor. Last night carver jumped off the couch, in a way I can only describe as heavily. it seemed like he had put all his weight on that wrist. I think he has injured his only front leg. I felt sick with worry all day, and came home early. carver was alert and cheerful when I arrived home, all wags, but when we went out it was more of the same. I managed to get him into the back of the yard, small pee again, and back inside. his appetite is great, his spirits are high, everything seems normal except for the big obvious thing. I have a call out to dr. w, but I am beginning to feel calmer. of course my mind jumps to the cancer, again and again and again. But I think this is probably soft tissue, I pray it is a heal-able injury, that a few days of tramadol and bed rest will fix him up, that we can have our ward's pond walks again. this whole experience is so much losing and getting back, remembering what I have, forgetting what I have, feeling sad for what is already gone, then desperately wanting things to be exactly as they are- three legs, ward's pond walks, sweet old pup. even in the midst of this crisis of sorts, I feel grateful for it-it wakes me up, wakes me up to how good things are, how dear. how I do not want to miss it.