bone cancer dogs

I spent some time tonight reading posts on the yahoo group bonecancerdogs. there were so many losses this week. Maybe it was an average week, I do not know, but it felt like a huge number to me. It is heartbreaking to see. I used to spend a lot of time reading the posts, but I realized after a certain point that reading about the dogs passing-a dog dies every day-was keeping me very fixated on carver's impending death, to the point where I was missing carver being alive RIGHT NOW, and missing being really present and enjoying him. so I have pulled away from the group a bit. I feel very guilty about this, I do not want to be all take and no give. I hope I have the strength when I do lose carver to go back and offer my experience then. I still check the posts a couple times a week, and if there is a question I feel I have good advice to offer, I will write, but I am more lurking in the background. but today, I needed to reach out to the folks who had lost their dogs, to share in their sadness. and to deepen my own gratitude, for tonight carver has a full belly and is quietly snoring on the couch beside me, three legs stretched out long, ears perked high waiting to hear the sound of e coming home.