despite carver's excellent hopping this afternoon

I am feeling down, and a little overwhelmed. mostly worried about carver's other three legs, and his arthritis, and how good his quality of life will be. carver only has one tramadol left, and I do not know when the best time to give it to him would be-before bed for a good night sleep? in the morning, so he is not in pain while I am at work? now? he is a little moan and groan, getting settled down after our walk. is it because of the lack of tramadol, or because of his arthritis , because of the walk? am I letting him do too much/ or too little? we will see dr w on friday, and I want to have a good list of questions for him. I also made an appointment with an acupuncturist for monday, who does home visits. she was funny, she sounds so serious, but she told me to talk her up to him before she arrives-tell him how fun it was going to be (to have tiny needles inserted in him) I wish more than anything that he could talk to tell me what he needs right now, but then, if he could, maybe he would have a litany of complaints to dish out to me for my work schedule, the short morning walks, the walks with the cell phone, the kibble, why not pizza everyday, and why can't we just LIVE at the arboretum?. the thing is, it is hard to hold the happiness of his recovery with the truth of his cancer, and the fact that he will die, and that we do not know when. this is the truth for all of us, isn't it? this truth is so real to me now. I feel completely groundless.