old dogs

I just heard that another one of carver's peers died last weekend.. timmer lived around the corner, a sweet lab mix. it was through the dogs that I met our friend paula. timmer had been walking slowly, he had arthritis, but when she brought him in to the vet it ended up that he had a cancerous tumor that was pressing on his heart. within days it had traveled to his lungs. most of the dogs carver played with at the dog park are gone now-roger, gracie, wolfie,whose real name was wolfgang, lucy the sheep dog, tango the giant lab who would bark at the people doing thai chi. dog after dog, leaving us one by one. lili walked carver yesterday afternoon, while I had to stay late at work to teach a class, and she said she took him over to the baseball field. she said she was not sure if she should have taken him on such a long walk-his back legs have been really shaky-but what if this was the last time he got to goto the field? I was stunned to hear this-I have not been thinking of carver as dying for a while now-just shaky and achy and old, but not dying. so to hear someone else considering him in this way was a shock of sorts. but this way of thinking did not seem so far out of reach from the truth. just a different point of view. this morning I learned that my high school art teacher died over the weekend from cancer. then I took carver out and ran into paula, who told me about timmer. it is a really sad day. such a reminder of how much to be grateful for, in this moment. today I am here, e is here, my family is here, here on earth, all my dear friends around the country are here, waking up, drinking coffee, going to work. and carver is here, shaky legs and all. let me be awake enough in every moment to feel the wonder and gratitude that, for this moment, so many of us are enjoying the gift of being alive.