practice prescription

I just did meditation practice, on my own, in my home, for the first time in months. 15 minutes, which to non-meditators ears may sound totally lame, but when you are hard wired to avoid the cushion as I am, 15 minutes is a triumph (and can feel like a life time) My mind was incredibly crowded with the expected-my ears pricked to hear carver changing position, or getting off the couch, jumping to what he needs, does he need something right now. But, when the timer rang, I could feel an awareness of my body as I stood up, my energy more connected to my mind. I was one for a moment, and I am grateful. I had a wonderful meeting with my meditation instructor cb last night. he was incredibly generous in sharing with me his own experiences of facing the death of a loved one, which was so helpful. I had extra appreciation for the fact that he could hold my going through this process with my dog as respectfully as if it were a person. as he said, "you have a relationship with him". I went into the meeting really wanting to know what the buddhist view of this whole process was, which I realized later is just wanting an answer to the nagging question of how do I do this, how do I get through this. cb reminded me that there is no right or wrong way to do this, and really drove home how much I needed to practice, how the answer to a feeling of integration around this whole thing lies in the practice of meditation, of going deeper into it, of being curious about it, about my feelings & reactions, and how they change from moment to moment. so, I practiced today! i avoided it for many hours, yes, but I did it. In the midst of all of this, I feel like I need to keep this commitment to myself. I know cb is right, and I am filled with gratitude to have him in my life, and that he is so honest and genuine.