thanks to e and her iphone

success!

carver seems to be feeling better all around. he slept through the night last night, only stirring to come into our room to sleep some more in there. out for a short walk this morning with no hesitation. rice for breakfast, and yogurt. I got home this afternoon from an appointment at 430, a little late for me, but c seemed fine. we spent about 40 minutes outside in the snow, some laying in snowbanks, but we did walk around a bit, and then all the way around the house! a normal, healthy bowel movement ( i know you do not want to hear about this, but this is a big triumph for me!) and he is now cozy with me on the floor. deep breath. happy for this moment of peace, for the worry to loosen its grips and to enjoy the simplicity of our lives, the floor, the cozy blanket over both of us, the evening news.

carver comes alive!

carver loves the snow. I keep trying to take pictures but apparently all aa batteries in my house are spent. anyway, carver had a good walk today after a terrible, scary night. but I am getting ahead of myself. I got home about 3 yesterday, the snow storm just moving out after leaving a solid 10 inches of snow on the ground. carver and I immedietley headed outside. the new normal being that carver only goes into the yard to relieve himself, and then back up the stairs, I was shocked to see carver head right into the yard. we walked to the back fence and back, lay in the tallest snowbank he could find, did some sniffing of a neighborhood dog. when it was time to go in, we headed towards the steps-but instead of going up, carver headed down the shoveled side walk. we walked all the way down the street, turned onto parkwood terrance, and made it to the steps of our neighbor mary & al's house. I think he would have kept going, but I turned him around, knowing we we re getting close to carver's acupuncture appointment.

janice came at 530. she put in over 30 needles, working the whole spine, both hind legs, including the ankles, then back to do the lumbar spine again. carver comfortably turned over a couple of times, and seemed alert and in good spirits. she said he seemed better than the last time she came, which was probably 2 1/2 weeks ago. she also confirmed the fact that we are in "the next level", or something like that. closer to his death. it is something I have acknowledged to myself, but there is something about hearing it from someone else that really brings it home. janice just lost her own 14 year old dog. she has been such a good support for both carver and me.

after the appointment, carver wanted to go outside. he seemed anxious, panting . carver has had diarrhea for a couple of days now, and I figured he needed to go again. he walked to the back of the yard, and squatted. I decided to try & move his tail out of the way-he had been soiling himself ever since this started, and I thought we could try to avoid it. I moved his tail up about 1/2 and inch, and he screamed in pain, leaping away from me and laying in the snow. I was in a panic, shocked and left feeling awful and frightened. I took him back in, but he continued to pant and cry, shaking so hard sometimes his teeth chattered. I felt overwhelmed with guilt and fear that I had made his pain peremenently worse. we immedietly gave him his next dose of tramadol and tried to calm him down. a heating pad on his lower back, he finally fell into a fretful sleep. carver continued to have diahrrea, and we went out several times during the night, about every two hours, until we both finally fell into a deep sleep in the living room around 330 a.m.

I took carver out around 8 this morning before I headed to work. still sick, he did what he needed to then cried for me to help him right up the stairs. I left for work feeling sad and nervous.

when I came home carver was sound asleep. I fed him some yogurt while he was still laying down, and gave him his afternoon meds. he drifted off again. I could stand it for about 30 minutes, but then I started to worry again. what if he was in so much pain all he could do was sleep? I poked him until he woke up, roused him with rice in his kibble bowl, then shook his jacket until he stood up. we begun the trip in the yard, where he walked to the back yard again. he spent some time in the snow, sniffing the air. but then, jsut like yesterday, he was on the move! we made it almost to the jamaica way and back. carver's back legs look very weak, but that does not stop him from walking in the deepest snow he can find! he really seemed to enjoy his time outside. we were out for about 45 minutes, him running down the shoveled path, then tossing himself in the snow. he still seems a bit sick, but his change in diet will hopefully do the trick. I am just grateful he seems to not be in pain, that I didn't break some part of him last night, and that he can still enjoy himself out in the world. my attitude towards the snow has totally changed!

a quick carver update

carver has shown some improvement since he began his new pain regiment last friday. he has been walking in the house more, going into my office, where e and I are now sleeping on the futon. the room is closer to the living room, and I laid beds for him on the floor that go from the door to our bed. he tens to spend half the night in there, then back to the living room. our whole apartment is swathed in fabric and memory foam.
anyway, he seems to have less trouble getting up, is more alert, and continues to eat well. on the downside, his cognitive disorder (lets just call it Alzheimer's from now on) has been kicking in. wednesday and thursday were the worst, with carver barking & whining from about 4pm on until he fell sleep late in the night. I have to be next to him on the ground in order for him to calm down. this is cozy, but there are chores to do, and after a few hours I end up feeling cagey. the stress of it has taken it's toll. I really thought i was cracking up friday morning, when carver was crying because I was in the kitchen doing dishes. e got up early and laid down with him so I could finish. the weekend has been much better though. friday night and all day Saturday he has been calm, with us home, and he has seemed more like his normal self. being outside helps him always, so we have been spending a lot of time on the front porch, me reading & him barking at the neighbors. we were blessed with a few warm days but today the snow is falling again, and by tomorrow night we are suppose to have over a foot. carver usually loves the snow, and I hope this is still the case. as for me, I feel like i would give up my soul to see a crocus popping its head out of the ground. I need spring, this winter has been a long tough one all around. I checked in with the vets on wednesday-dr. m said she was surprised to see improvement to quickly, and to keep on the regime for a couple more weeks and see how it goes. c is still not wanting to walk outside at all for recreation, and does not seem to interested in the world beyond the porch, with the exception of an occasional passing dog, or a sniff at near by garbage. I really am a but anxious at wanting to up some of the meds and see if we can get him walking, but if we cannot listen to and trust the pain management vet, then who can we? another strange symptom has popped up as well-he is chewing on one of his hind legs, tearing the hair out. I spray it with bitter apple in the morning with bitter apple (which I tasted-I didn't think it was too bad, but carver disagrees) which does the trick, but my curiosity gets the best of me. is it pain? or a strange side effect from one of the drugs? boredom? hallucination? who knows. I have an email out to dr. m, and will hear from her tomorrow.
but, for now, things are quiet and peaceful. carver is sleeping next to me on the floor, very cozy. we have had a good morning, and have the day stretched out in front of us.

we received another offer of left over meds from a friend on the yahoo group bonecancerdogs
I continue to be amazed at the compassion, generosity, and support I receive from these amazing people.
If you have a minute, take a look at brian's blog
brian just passed a few weeks ago, and his people kept an excellent blog of his story.